What makes a cuss word a cuss word? Along the way, everyone asks this question on more than one occasion. And to avoid saying them, we sometimes use phrases like the F word, the N word, the GD word, and so on. We don’t want to say them out loud because society has deemed these words as inappropriate, bad, or crude.
How did they get that way, anyway?
Christians teach that uttering such words is sinful. Exodus 20:7 says not to take the Lord’s name in vain. That knocks out a half dozen loose uses of God’s name. Ephesians 4:29 says not to use any unwholesome talk which pretty much eliminates all the rest.
There you go. So simple. So straightforward. Let’s close in prayer.
Well…there are a few more things we could say on the subject of cussing before tying up this teaching with a pretty bow.
First is the word cussing. When I was growing up we synonymously used the term “swear words.” Cuss itself is a localized pronunciation of the word “curse.” The idea behind a curse word or swear word is to utter something unpleasant in anger, or with a meddlesome attitude, or with intent to hurt the feelings of someone. In this sense, the words are not near as important as the reason for using them. If I use the F word as a way of explaining to someone what the word may or may not mean, my motives fall outside the spirit of cussing.
But many of these words have themselves become taboo. To say the F word under any circumstances is commonly understood as inappropriate. Even people who use the word multiple times a day understand and recognize that there is a stigma to using the word.
That leads us back to the Bible. My example from Exodus suggests that uses of GD or JC even just saying “God” as expressions of frustration are forbidden. But that is not technically what taking the Lord’s name in vain actually means. If you are not an official representative of Canada and you go over to a foreign country and tell them that you represent Canada in a formal way, you are taking Canada’s name in vain. Even if you were an appointed ambassador of Canada, imagine going over to some other country and telling them that Canada does not approve of that country’s use of pineapple on pizza (even though the government of Canada said no such thing), you are using Canada’s name in vain. It is misrepresenting someone you are associated with or misrepresenting your association with them. That means when you utter God’s name in frustration in some way, you are not EXPLICITLY breaking one of the Ten Commandments.
That also doesn’t mean you are off the hook, either. For example, we still have Ephesians 4:29 to contend with. “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” What needs to happen with this verse is we must define what Paul means when he says, “unwholesome talk.” Based on the entire verse, it would seem that unwholesome talk is the opposite of talk that builds others up according to their needs. And as I previously said, if you call someone a bad name out of anger, frustration, or hatred, we could easily say that you have allowed unwholesome talk to come out of your mouth.
But what about a group of guys on a construction site who all call each other cuss names and then all laugh and enjoy each other after they do it? No ill will there. Why do they do it? They perhaps want to acknowledge that they are rough around the edges and like being so. Whatever the case, my real question is this:
What makes talk unwholesome? The actual taboo words themselves or the motives behind uttering them?
Well, let me give you a few scenarios and my thoughts on whether this is a breach of Ephesians 4:29.
1. Joe is by himself and hammering a nail and on one strike of the hammer, he misses the nail head and instead bashes his thumb. He utters a commonly used cuss word.
THOUGHT: This is not a breach. No one around Joe was the focus of his utterance and no one was torn down or harmed in his use of the word. We could make the argument that Joe may have an anger problem, but that is not the same breach.
2. Sally and Kate are having lunch. During their conversation, they frequently use cuss words in their conversation with each other out of a habit they have built with each other for many years. They are not being angry, frustrated, or mean-spirited in their use.
THOUGHT: They are not in breach of Ephesians 4:29. Again, no one is necessarily being maligned or torn down in this chat. They simply have developed a habit of using cuss words as they speak. They have unwholesome attitudes about people or circumstances, but the words in and of themselves have done no harm.
3. Fred is talking with his 11-year-old son, George. He spends five minutes disciplining George after his son broke a window with a baseball bat. He tells George that he is always in trouble, he needs to stop being so useless and thoughtless. He tells George that because he is always in trouble, he is not likely going to amount to anything when he gets older. No cuss words of any kind are used in this lecture.
THOUGHT: This is a breach of Ephesians 4:29. Fred has sought (not necessarily with intention) to tear down his son and not build him up. He goes too far with his words and likely leaves George with a lower self-esteem and self-worth.
If you’ve read this far, you’re probably thinking that I am saying that words themselves mean nothing and motives mean everything. Yes and no. Let me give you an explanation why I have not used one cuss word in an article about how cuss words are not necessarily bad. It’s the same reason I wouldn’t use a cuss word standing on the stage on a Sunday morning in front of my congregation. When I choose language that may cause others to be grieved, become upset, stumble in any way, I also am guilty of breaching Ephesians 4:29. If six guys in a room have ZERO problems using certain cuss words, when they use them together, they are not in violation of Paul’s mandate on unwholesome talk. But the moment someone in the room is bothered by those words, intentionally using them is not edifying or encouraging.
So, I leave you with two overarching ideas if all of this still doesn’t sit well with you. First, if you are focused on love—the unconditional pursuit of other people’s well-being—your words will build up and edify. Simple as that. Second, sometimes, the use of societally recognized cuss words can cause other people to stumble even if your intentions are noble, and so, being thoughtful and considerate to those people by avoiding such language is a good thing. Know your audience.